It’s not easy being an astronaut.
Let’s talk today about some things you can’t do in space and answer some… intriguing astronauts-related questions, bust some myths, and clear some things.
Not only is it very hard to actually become one – essentially, you need to meet the criteria of a Renaissance man and then some, but the job comes with tons of responsibilities.
But apart from maintaining a vessel that’s rocketing through relatively uncharted space, which is stressful enough on its own, even everyday tasks, such as washing your hands, need special in-space protocol. Here’s a short list of basic activities that are so hard to pull off in space that the brightest minds on earth had to gather and figure them out.
1. Cry – There’s (Technically) No Crying in Space
‘’In space, nobody can hear you scream’’ is perhaps one of the most quoted and parodied slogans in film history. While it worked in the context of the film it was promoting, ‘’in space, you can’t cry, because it’ll be really inconvenient for you’’ would’ve been more honest and accurate.
Sure, astronauts can physically tear up. The only problem is that tears in zero gravity can’t flow downward in the way they do on earth, because the moisture has nowhere to go.
So, if you’re ever in space, make sure not to think about those returning soldiers being greeted by their dogs’ videos that you used to binge late at night.
2. Use the Restroom Like Everybody Else – Normal Rules Must Be Adapted
Believe it or not, before going into space, all astronauts go through a state-sponsored potty training program. While it might be easy to laugh it off as yet another space-related quirk, this is actually a pretty important phase of the training.
Before heading into space, astronauts have to essentially ‘’reset’’ their toilet habits because, as it turns out, doing a number two is a bit different than doing it on earth. There are two different mechanisms in your typical space station, each designed for a specific bodily function.
How do astronauts poop?
One of the hottest topics people debate is how do astronauts poop. Meaning how do astronauts poop in space, not back home, just to make things clear. Well, it is time to shine some light on this mystery once and for all:
- When nature calls, astronauts either use a toilet seat purpose-built for solid waste and a vacuum tube for liquid waste, designed both for men and women.
In other words, to clearly answer the mind-bending questions of how do astronauts poop and how do astronauts pee in space, the answer is: technically, just like everybody else, but they use space-dedicated contraptions.
Do Astronauts Wear Diapers?
Well… some did. The Apollo astronauts wore diapers, which NASA proudly called “Maximum Absorbency Garments” (and others called “space poopers”), but the technology evolved so much so that they now use airflow, the seated space toilet, special waste containers, and even urine recycling devices.
3. Undergo Basic Hygiene Habits
So you’ve been in space for, I don’t know, three weeks? And you think it might be high time to give the face a good old shave or get a haircut. The problem? Nobody wants to see hair laying in the sink, let alone float around a space cabin. So what astronauts do is use a hair shaver attached to a vacuum that sucks up all the tiny hairs.
Manicures in Space
But something as basic as brushing your teeth or washing your hands must be a cakewalk, right? The answer here is, still, a big no. To avoid poking someone’s eye out, astronauts clip their nails over a vent to immediately eliminate the danger.
For hand washing, astronauts use pre-soaped water that comes in pouches. Using a straw, astronauts quirt the soapy water out of the container, after which they trap the weightless liquid with their hands and lather up. There’s no special protocol for drying, though – towels are safe to use in zero-gravity conditions.
But How Do Astronauts Shower?
When it comes to shower in space, things are both similar and different from Earth. If you thought bathing is one of those things you can’t do in space, you are almost right, but not completely wrong either.
When they want to take a shower, astronauts enter a cylinder, along the lines of a shower stall, and close the door. From this point on, things get a bit more interesting:
- On the International Space Station or shuttles, astronauts use liquid soap and water from the aforementioned pouches (rinseless hair shampoo, also).
- They use towels to remove the excess water/soap from their bodies and hair.
- A special airflow system dries them up quickly so they can go about their day.
4. Drink Carbonated Drinks and Alcohol
(This Is Where It Gets Tough)
Naturally, carbonated drinks such as soda behave differently in space. Thanks to zero-gravity conditions, carbon dioxide bubbles remain within the liquid instead of being released as a gas when opening the bottle. This can cause astronauts great digestive discomfort.
As stressful as it might be to travel into the great unknown, astronauts are barred from unwinding with a cocktail after a long day of running cables and contacting alien civilizations. The issue of consuming alcohol in space is quite complicated.
On the one hand, there’s the belief that drinking alcohol at high altitudes makes you feel woozy faster. But according to science, that’s a myth, as research has found that there is no link between the two.
So, why are astronauts barred from enjoying the occasional beer?
Think of it this way: how would you feel if your cab driver, or hell, your jet pilot, would be allowed to drink alcohol? When you put it like that, it seems hardly surprising that the same rules apply to astronauts piloting big chunks of metal worth hundreds of billions of dollars through space.
For the same reasons, astronauts on space stations are not provided products that contain even a hint of alcohol, and this includes aftershave, perfume, and mouthwash.
5. Eat (Normally)
Still wondering about the things you can’t do or have in space? A burger, that’s what!
What Do Astronauts Eat?
Before we explain what do astronauts eat in space, we should first analyze what they don’t, can’t, and shouldn’t eat in space.
Food is still one of the biggest problems humanity has to figure out before embarking on long space journeys, both due to practical and logistical reasons.
For a food to be considered adequate for space, it needs to meet two criteria:
- long shelf life, because it’s not like you can run to the nearest supermarket to restock,
- and safety. Yes, you heard that right – in space, even the most basic of foods can physically hurt people.
The first no-no is bread.
Bread has long been avoided by space programs not only because it lacks structural integrity and shelf life, but because it leaves behind hundreds of crumbs that can float around and cause havoc on the ship.
The same thing applies to salt, pepper, and other granular spices and seasonings, which you certainly don’t want ending up in your eyes in zero-gravity.
But hey, bread is not so healthy anyway so it might be for the best. At least you can enjoy a few pieces of healthy, wholesome veggies, right? Well, not quite.
Vegetables like spinach come in vacuum-sealed packaging, and astronauts have to attach them to a water distributor and fill the bag up until the dry brick of spinach turns into something vaguely resembling edible food.
Again, What Do Astronauts Eat?
Eating in space, while difficult, does not differ much from eating on Earth under special conditions. Astronauts consume vegetables, dairy, fruits, and other frozen/dry/canned/concentrated foods that don’t even begin to match a fresh-out-the-oven hot pizza but represent food anyway.
Do Astronauts Crave Shrimp? What about Tabasco Sauce?
When they arrive in space, astronauts go through a complex series of physiological changes. In zero gravity, bodily fluids go up instead of flowing down towards your feet.
For this reason, research suggests that most astronauts experience puffy eyes, clogged sinuses, lack of taste, stuffed noses, dry mouths, etc. They experience a significant diminishing of their sense of smell – which correlates powerfully with the sense of taste.
In other words, after a while, astronauts reach for hot sauces, spicey, salty, or sweet foods, going through cravings that they may have never imagined back home.
Most astronauts crave Tabasco sauce, hot peppers, and pungent flavors to spice up their life and give taste to the foods they eat. Why do astronauts crave shrimp? Because of the horseradish in shrimp cocktail, the specific shrimp taste, and probably because they want to feel like humans once in a while.
6. They Can’t Even Sleep Like Normal People
The next point on our list of things you can’t do in space (properly) is catching some very necessary Zzz…
After a long day of doing whatever astronauts do there, you would think they could just crash into their space beds and get a well-deserved rest, right? Well, not quite.
How Do Astronauts Sleep?
Sleeping is a little different in space – there is no up and down, and everything is weightless, so astronauts have to adapt to these conditions if they ever want to not get psychotic due to sleep deprivation.
Astronauts have to attach their sleeping bags to a wall or a ceiling, and they can sleep anywhere as long as they don’t end up floating around the spaceship and bumping their heads into something, or into each other.
How Many Hours Do Astronauts Sleep?
The schedule says 8 hours, but many cannot sleep more than six. After all, the resting conditions are less than ideal and astronauts have plenty of things to worry about even when they nap.
Zero gravity and the prospect of suffering concussions are not the only things that astronauts need to consider.
- The sleeping quarters have to be very well ventilated. Why? Thanks to the lack of gravity, astronauts can wake up air deprived, as the exhaled carbon dioxide can hang around in the air, forming bubbles around their heads.
If you let one rip, well, you got a major problem on your hands, as the gas lingers in the air, annoying everybody and inadvertently causing a situation stupid enough that even Jackass didn’t think of turning into a prank.
7. Intimacy and Sex
One question that is on many peoples’ (dirty) minds is: do astronauts have sex in space? While technically not impossible, sex, intimacy, and romance become even more complicated than on Earth, if that was even conceivable.
Do Astronauts Have Sex in Space?
Let’s see why sex is one of the things you can’t do in space (unless you try very, very hard):
- There is not enough comfortable space or privacy to hit it off – cabins are small, bathrooms are basically toilet seats with curtains, sleeping takes place in sleeping bags (on walls or ceilings!), and there are few if any rooms where two people can retreat for some good time.
- Sex in space may cause people health problems – zero gravity can lead to nausea, which is not the foreplay anyone is looking for. Moreover, in space, astronauts have to deal with lower blood pressure than normal, and… we all know what this means.
- Carbon dioxide levels are building up, giving the “I have a headache” thing a whole new (and absolutely real) meaning.
- Last but not least, in space, people are usually so busy and so tired they want anything else BUT engage in even more exhausting activities.
Since humanity took space exploration seriously, there have been a handful of rumors regarding several astronauts doing the hot stuff, but such gossip has never been confirmed.
Nobody said you cannot fall in love in a shuttle or while on the ISS. But when it comes to consummating the relationship, we guess astronauts prefer to wait for a little until they go back home to more proper conditions.
Do Astronauts Masturbate in Space?
If they do, nobody is talking about it. Masturbation in space has never been commented upon by neither NASA or the ESA. The science and trickiness of sex in space is a hot topic and it is going to get even hotter soon, as simulations for Mars Settling are becoming more real by the minute.
So is it still a dream job?
One can say that astronauts or, better yet, the concept of astronauts is a highly romanticized one. All people can think of is the idea of reaching out for the stars, but ignore the little details like having to go number 2 in a vacuum to avoid any nasty incidents.
Is it still my dream job? Hell yeah, it is! I mean, sure, the pooping, and the brushing, and all the other inconveniences may weigh heavily, but, at the end of the day, while you dry your hands after washing up with a big bubble of water, you get to see Earth, and nobody can convince me that the view isn’t worth it.
- The Atlantic.Why You Can’t Cry In Space. [https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/01/why-you-cant-cry-in-space/267147/]
- Space.com.How Astronauts Cry In space.[https://www.space.com/20597-how-astronauts-cry-space-video.html]
- The Telegraph. How do astronauts go to the toilet in space? Tim Peake answers the big question[https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/space/12109575/Tim-Peake-reveals-How-do-astronauts-go-to-the-toilet-in-space.html]
- The New York Times. Photos of Shaving in Space and Other Routine Apollo Moments [https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/10/06/science/space/shaving-in-space-other-mundane-apollo-moments.html]
- BBC. Why astronauts are banned from getting drunk in space. [http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20170217-why-astronauts-are-banned-from-getting-drunk-in-space]
- Forbes. This is what happens when you drink soda in space, and it’s not fun.[https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2016/04/27/this-is-what-happens-when-you-drink-soda-in-space-and-its-not-fun/#3515eb043f32]
- Esa.int. Sleeping in space [https://www.esa.int/kids/en/learn/Life_in_Space/Living_in_space/Sleeping_in_space]
- Geekadelphia.com. What happens to a fart in space. [http://www.geekadelphia.com/2015/02/25/what-happens-to-a-fart-in-space/]
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